using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize