I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
