Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
