You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
