Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
