dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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