i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
