..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
