just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
