Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize