The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
