Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
