Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
