put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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