i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
