i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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