dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When did angry sex become our thing?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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