dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also, beer. Big fan.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize