If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the liver wants what the liver wants
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
