dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
