Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
