We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
