Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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