i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
