If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
