Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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