And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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