I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
