Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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