Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
