Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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