I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
