FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
