hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
