so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize