pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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