Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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