I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize