You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
