You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
