woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
