So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
