God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
