my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
