Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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