Nicole vs. Life
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
