you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
