I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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