I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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