I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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