Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
