Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
