The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
