Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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