Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
