So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
