i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize