Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
