i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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