very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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