How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
