Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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