i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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