You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
