Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
