How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
