I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
