It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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