He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
