I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
