Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize