i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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