I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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