I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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