final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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