hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I believe in your delicious
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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