Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
