I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
