Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
