Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
