ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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