thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize