I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
